[	mood	|	pissed off	]
[	music	|	lots of brand new, some underoath, and alkaline trio	]

fuck.  i had a whole entry fucking typed out and i fucking erased it by accident.  goddammit.  this is why you should post in Word first.

here's the gist of it:

i'm really busy at school, i don't relax as much as a should, and i'm (obviously) really whiny about it.  end of story.

don't die for anything less than the best of
everyone settles for the rest not the best of
i will die for no less than the best of life.

--bandits of the acoustic revolution - they provide the paint for the picture-perfect masterpiece that you will paint on the insides of your eyelids

that is just so ambitious. but i can try, right?

i'm back in boston.  my roommates are nice and my apartment is really nice.  life is busy and hectic, but in a good busy and hectic sort of way.  classes are insane but interesting, work is work, and it's great to see all my NU kids again.  it's shocking how quickly one falls back into a routine. 

but of course i miss jersey, and all my friends and family.  so far, this semester is vast improvement from sophomore year and the summer, but then again it's only been a week.  talk to me again when i'm in classes in july and everyone is at home and we'll see how i'm fairing.  for some reason, i can't help always looking back.

Take it away, Kurt Vonnegut:

"I looked through the Gideon Bible in my motel room for tales of great destruction.  The sun was risen upon the Earth when Lot entered into Zo-ar, I read.  Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of Heaven; and He overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
So it goes.
Those were vile people in both those cities, as is well known.  The world was better off without them.
And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for it, because it was so human.
So she turned to a piller of salt.  So it goes."

--Slaughter House-Five

This was nowhere near as eloquent or comprehensive as i wanted it to be, but then again isn't that always the way? 

[	mood	|	pessimistic	]
[	music	|	James Taylor's Christmas CD	]

just got home from christmas day festivities at my aunt and uncle's house in nutley.  what a day/night.  i love my fucking family.  we always have so much fun...we just sit around and bullshit, eat ourselves stupid, drink ourselves stupider and sing christmas carols and beatles songs.  can't really beat that.

just had my last day of co-op the other day.  6 months flew by.  all in all it was a really great learning experience.  it's really hitting my now that i just closed a relatively important chapter of my life.  in the grand scheme of things, 6 months isn't really a long time, but it's weird seeing people every day for weeks and weeks (staff and patients) and then not see them anymore.  so, my last day was bittersweet.  the patients were great and really had nice things to say and so did my co-workers.  my last day also happened to be the office christmas party so that was a nice way to get some closure on the situation.  the end of co-op also means that my time at home is almost over.  i was kicking myself for coming home and working sometimes (like in the middle of october when no one was around, for example) but i really think it was good for me.  and now since all my c-wellers are home, i really don't want to leave.  even at christmas and sitting here now, i'm really feeling shitty because i know i have to leave soon.  i'm trying to plan all these things that involve seeing some of my family members (aunts and uncles and cousins) for the last time in a while and it's really fucking depressing.  i'm planning on going to see my grandma in philly sometime next week, because the God's honest truth is that i might not ever get to see her again.  that's some scary shit.  if i have one gripe with the NU program it's that it involves so much time away from home.  i thought i could handle it but being around my family for the holidays really makes me think how hard it's going to be to not see them for so long.  it's kind of fucked up that not seeing them is all i can think about.  why am i having such a hard time reflecting positively on this obviously happy experience?  fuck. 

here we are as in olden days
happy golden days of yore
precious friends who are dear to us
gather near to us once more
in a year we all will be together
if the fates allow
until then we'll just have to muddle through somehow
and have ourselves a merry little christmas now...

--James Taylor's amazing version of this song (with the added lyrics that are extremely appropriate and poignant)

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	st. al's winter retreat CD	]

i'd like to say that i'm too busy to update, but that's really not true.  i'm just lazy.  or tired.  or both.

here's my life in fast forward since the last time i updated:

- went to the dropkick murphys concert.  it kicked ass, even though most of the openers sucked.  i'm looking forward to hopefully see them on st. patty's day in the bean.

- went to a surprise 60th birthday party for my aunt and uncle.  it was a 60s theme, i dressed up as mickey mantle and carried around a bottle of whisky.  my cousins had rented a juke box so we got shitfaced and sang a lot of stupid songs.  par for the course for any family party.  good times.

- finally got to spend i solid week working with the pediatric physical therapists.  i worked with kids in the office, at schools and in a special-needs school as well.  i loved it.  peds is where i need to be.

- bought 2 fall out boy CDs.  the more recent one ("from under the cork tree") is awful and i haven't been able to bring myself to listen to it all the way through yet.  but the older one ("take this to your grave") is amazing.  and i got it for 10 bucks. 

- thanksgiving break was great, as was thanksgiving itself.  it was nice to have friends, if only for 3 days.

- just went on a retreat last weekend in lake hopatcong.  long story short: it was amazing.  it was the first time st. al's had ever had anything like this happen to our youth group.  it was kind of the culmination of everything we wanted to do (but weren't able to) since my freshman year of high school.  and it snowed!!  can't ask for anything better than that.

- co-op is winding down.  i'm done on december 23rd, so i've only got about 3 weeks to go.  craziness.  6 months really does fly.  i'm anxious to get back to classes but i'm kind of scared too.  i know i'm gonna be so happy when all the c-wellers come home for break and i'm going to be miserable when i leave.  but we'll see what happens.

...wow, my life looks so interesting when i cut out the boring parts...

sail on silver girl
sail on by
your time has come to shine
all your dreams are on their way
see how they shine
oh, when you need a friend
i'm saling right behind
like a bridge over troubled water
i will ease your mind...

not sure why those lyrics are important right now...possibly because it was jeff's talk song and i just heard it on the retreat CD.  that song is just kind of sticking with me right now.  who knows.

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	alkaline trio - from here to infirmary CD	]

In leiu of an actual update, I'm gonna post a stupid survey instead.  Actually, this one is kind of cool.  Leave me your answers in a comment if you get bored enough.

iTUNES SURVEY

How many songs total? 2432

Sort by song name - first and last:
’97 – Alkaline Trio

Zoot Suit Riot – Cherry Poppin’ Daddies


Sort by Artist - first and last:
311

ZZ Top

Sort by Time - first and last:
Ska Sucks – Reel Big Fish (0.17)
The Rite of Spring – Igor Stravinsky (34:45)


Sort by Album - first and last
1039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours – Green Day
Yourself or Someone Like You – Matchbox 20

Top Ten Played Songs:
1. Alkaline Trio – Private Eye (9)

2. Alkaline Trio – Mr. Chainsaw (6)

3. Senses Fail – Buried A Lie (6)

4. Something Corporate – Me and the Moon (6)

5. Barenaked Ladies – Thanks, That Was Fun (5)

6. Dashboard Confessional – Swiss Army Romance (5)

7. Green Day – Whatsername (5)

8. RENT – Life Support (5)

9. Alkaline Trio – Deathbed (4)

10. Alkaline Trio – Take Lots With Alcohol (4)


Last Ten Songs Played:
1. The Ramones – Judy is a Punk

2. The Matches – Dog Eared Page

3. Something Corporate – Straw Dog

4. Fall Out Boy – Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner

5. Alkaline Trio – Fall Victim

6. Brand New – Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis

7. Pinhead Gunpowder – I Used To

8. Operation Ivy – Sound System

9. Alkaline Trio – Enjoy Your Day

10. Underoath – A Boy Brushed Red Living In Black and White


Count titles and artists...

Find "sex," how many songs show up? 11

1. ASOB – I Just Want To Have Sex With You

2. Chris Rock – No Sex In The Champagne Room

3. Everclear – My Sexual Life

4. Green Day – Blood, Sex and Booze

5. James Brown – Sex Machine

6. Marcy Playground – Sex and Candy

7. RHCP – Breaking the Girl (from “Blood Sugar Sex Magik”)

8. The Sex Pistols – Anarchy in the UK

9. The Sex Pistols – Holidays in the Sun

10. Stone Temple Pilots – Sex Type Thing

11. Weezer – Tired of Sex

Find "death", how many songs show up? 5

1. Metallica – Creeping Death

2. Death Cab for Cutie – We Looked Like Giants

3. Green Day - Homecoming (The Death of St. Jimmy, etc)

4. Death by Stereo – Entombed We Collide

5. Dead Kennedys – Forward to Death

Find "love", how many songs show up? 55

Find "peace", how many songs show up? 1
Elvis Costello – (What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?

Find "drug", how many songs show up? 1

Nine Inch Nail – The Perfect Drug

Find "rock", how many songs show up? 62

Enjoy.  Like I said, post a comment if you get bored enough.

[	mood	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	alkaline trio - private eye	]

rich text mode is working again!  (i am way too excited about this...)

i want a perfect body

i want a perfect soul…

but i’m a creep

yay radiohead.  i'm paraphrasing, but that’s ok.  you get the idea.

Started listening to the new CDs I just got: DKM “warrior’s code” and alkaline trio “From here to infirmary”.

Scanned through warrior’s code.  The songs are decent.  One really good one about a soldier who died in Iraq, and a funny one called wicked sensitive crew.  They also put “tessie” on the CD which I love even though it’s a red sox song (boo hiss).  I think I have a soft spot for it because it mentions huntington ave.  reaaaaallly excited about seeing them in November.

Only got through the first 2 songs on “from here to infirmary”, mostly because I’ve listened to those first 2 songs a total of 8 times.  “private eye” is AMAZING, and “mr. chainsaw” has some really awesome lines in it.  For example, the ending ones:

       in case you're wondering,     
       i’m singing about 
                       growing up

                                giving up

                                          and giving in…

Good stuff.

I can’t decide if co-op is going fast or slow.  I think fast.  Just about 2 months left.  I really am excited about going back to boston.   Classes are gonna be crazy but I have a feeling things will be OK.  Going up there the other weekend was really comforting for me.  I came back with an odd sense of calm, like, “I can do this”.  Whatever.  Hopefully this will just mean the semesters coming up will be better than the mental/emotional train wreck that was my sophomore year.

if dreams are like movies
then  m e m o r i e s  are films about ghosts . . .

soooo the summer is over.  seemingly before it started, for me at least, since mine didn't really kick off til i got back to c-well at the end of june.  it ended with a bang though...green day at giants stadium on september 1st with larry, lori, harte, kev mcg and aj.  it was pretty awesome.  got nice and close again on the floor (although not as close as in AC).  i've seen them 5 times in total now, and 3 times on the american idiot tour.  they just give such an amazing live show...it never gets old.

but ANYWAY...the summer is over.  and with the end of summer begins my long lonely stretch in caldwell.  there definitely are some highlights to being home.  i've been getting to spend lots more time with my extended family.  i spent labor day at my cousin danica's house in philly for a "cousin weekend".  it wa so awesome.  we just hung out, drank, bbq-ed, went in her hot tub, etc.  got to see my little cousins michael, kerri and drew.  it's really important for me to get to see them. when i'm in boston, i only get to see them once or twice a year maybe (things are tougher now cuz i have to split my holidays between each side of the family and all that crap).  i miss seeing them grow up, and it's cool to be home to see them other times than on holidays...i can go to their soccer games, recitals, plays, whatever.  it's just fun hanging out with them and spoiling them and taking them for ice cream.  i love being the cool older cousin :)

another cool thing about being home now is that i'm able to help restart the st. al's youth group.  i used to help run it when i was in high school, and through a series of unfortunate and sometimes ridiculous events, the whole thing fell apart and had to be started over again from scratch.  miraculously, that's happening now with the help of a new youth minister, and it feels really good for me to be able to be there to see it grow again.  church and youth group was always a really large part of my life in caldwell, and it's really comforting for me to have that around again.  it was so nice going through that sunday routine: rehersal, playing clarinet at 7pm mass, youth group, then dunkin donuts with the crew.  t was a great way to wind down from the weekend, and was a set meeting time each week for everyone to get together and hang out one last time before school on monday.  it kicked off my week, every week, for 4 straight years of my life and it's one part of my life that i'm really thankful for having and that i miss dearly.  and now, at least, i'm happy to hopefully start that up again and have youth group be that important again for a whole new crop of people. 

those things aside, being home does kind of suck.  my dad's been travelling alot and my mom and i have begun fighting again (that was inevitable) to the point where i've had to just up and leave once or twice.  i guess i just miss people.  lori's around, but not as close now cuz she lives in west orange.  plus, she works 2 jobs and goes to school, and i'm pulling 50+ hours a week at caldwell therapy, so that's no walk in the park either.  same with erin.  it's hard to catch someone when they're working 13 hour days.  an upside is that my boss is really cool with my taking days off, so i'm hopefully gonna be making some visits to some caldwell people who go to school not too far from here, and also hopefully make a trip up to beantown (maybe columbus day weekend?).  so we'll see how everything shakes out.

yay for mish-mosh entries, since i haven't updated in, like, 18 years or so.

also yay for song lyrics currently stuck in my head (there's a lot, bear with me):

every night i dream the same dream
of getting older and older all the time
i ask you now what does this mean
are all these problems just in my mind?

green day - 16

september never stays this cold
where i come from and you know
i'm not one for complaining
but i love the way you roll
excuses off the tip of your tongue
as i slowly
           quietly
                slowly
        f a l l  a p a r t . . .

taking back sunday - great romances of the 20th century

and it happens once again
i'll turn to a friend
someone that understands
sees through the masterplan
but everybody's gone
and i've been here for too long
to face this on my own
well i guess this is growing up . . .

blink 182 - dammit